I wonder if Lord Russell will be there tonight. Do you think so? It must be years since I last saw him (Looking back out of window) Darling, you've just missed our turning.

I don't care. We're not going there. I'm sick of that place and all those boring, snobbish bastards....there's just nothing to do in this shitty little town.

Watch the car! What the hell do you think you're doing?

Getting out of here. I know a place-

What about the party? Daddy said-

I don't care what Daddy said, I've had enough.

Damn, I can't see anything through this wretched snow.

Maybe we should go back.

Forget it. I told you tonight was going to be different. I wanted to get you away from all that society crap so that we could have some fun for a change. Do you remember what that feels like? All the things we used to do before Daddy and Mummy and the Headmaster and the nice doctor came and took it all away?

No! No, not that, please.

Ask yourself this: have you ever been satisfied since?

I....I don't remember.

You will.

What are you doing?

We can't leave her standing there in this weather, she'll freeze.

Well, let someone else pick her up.

Oh, honey. No-one ever comes down here.

Thanks for stopping. I've been standing here for hours.

Honey, no-one ever comes down here.

Would you like to sit in the back, darling?

Really sir, I don't think-

Nonsense! It's warmer in the front and we need to warm you up, don't we?

Come on darling, you sit in the back for a while so we can warm up Missy here.

Just for a little while, darling. It will all be over soon, I promise.

I think I've offended her. Maybe-

Do stop apologising, my dear. Get in. It's been a long time since we've had your sort of company (to COUNTESS) Isn't it?

I can hardly remember myself....still, I daresay it will all come back to me (to GIRL) Don't you think?

I don't know what you mean.

Don't worry, you'll find out, I'm sure.

Jelly baby?

Oh! Thank you.

....and so Lord Edgar ended up with a faceful of strawberry punch, which didn't exactly endear Her Ladyship's parents to me, but it worked out anyway, as you can see, and we've been happily married for some years now (turns to smile at COUNTESS)

What an interesting family you have!

It gets a lot better, my dear. Would you like to hear some more? (to COUNTESS) Shall I tell her what happened on our honeymoon?

No! (Calmer, to GIRL) Look, it's stopped snowing and you must have warmed up by now, so do you mind if I sit next to my husband?

Of course not. (To COUNT) Can you pull over so that we can change places?

I can't stand any more of this. Finish it. Now.

Alright love, whatever love wants.

Now, where was I? Oh yes (Turns to GIRL) It may interest, nay surprise you to know that we're not all harmless types.....why, I could tell you stories that would make your hair stand up on end and give you nightmares for weeks!

I'm not sure that I want to hear-

Why, there was this one young man, he wasn't born into the family but married into it, so he didn't suffer from inherited madness (Laughs) Anyway, he met his gal at finishing school-she was a pupil and he worked on the grounds, that sort of arrangement....and she was one of those jealous types, couldn't stand him even sneaking a peek at all the other nubile young virgins, so....

Uh....sir, if your wife is unhappy with this then maybe you shouldn't-

So she gave him an ultimatum, you might say, and the girls began to disappear. They were found raped and murdered, though not necessarily in that order (Laughs)

But people began to get suspicious, so eventually they were reduced to picking up young hitchhikers from the street-Oh, don't be scared yet, you haven't heard the best part!

What? What?

Well, they were found out eventually, of course, as all good things have to come to an end, but what with her being from high nobility and all that, Daddy managed to pull some strings and hush it up, so they carried on as normal, going to society balls, driving nice cars, that sort of thing.....and not a soul suspected this time.

No?

Well...did you?

No, no. Tonight is going to be different. You haven't heard the rest of the story.

Stop playing around. Finish it!

Yes, my sweet. Anyway, eventually he got tired of his wife's interferings and sought out a new bride, actually a pretty little thing barely above the age of consent that he found, of all places, at a society ball! Don't you recognise her, darling? Of course not....you never paid much attention to the servants....

She's a great little actress too!

What are you going to do? Where are you taking me?

Tut, tut, you really are unobservant aren't you? If only you'd read the sign (To GIRL) Show her, darling.

That's why no-one ever comes down here, darling! This is the road to hell!